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British Hospitals - True Stories

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18 Oct 2010 13:50 #3268 by Nargis
1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . . 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi'.

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxis - - - and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , St.. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow

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18 Oct 2010 13:50 #3269 by Nargis
2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'.  I instructed.

'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient..

 Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes , St.Thomas's Bath

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18 Oct 2010 13:50 #3270 by Nargis
3 One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.

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18 Oct 2010 13:50 #3271 by Nargis
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
'Which one ?'. . .. I asked.

'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!'

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions includes removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

 Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St.. Clair , Norfolk General

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18 Oct 2010 13:51 #3272 by Nargis
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered .'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'

 Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent

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18 Oct 2010 13:51 #3273 by Nargis
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .....' So how was your breakfast this morning?'

'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'

 Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon . Bristol Infirmary.

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18 Oct 2010 13:51 #3274 by Nargis
7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation..
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read .. . ...'Keep off the grass'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty , KGH London

Dr. wouldn't submit his name 

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18 Oct 2010 14:16 #3277 by ketchim
I hope dem not telling Jokes in Court !!

cause you could be de new Court Jester ...... :wink:

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18 Oct 2010 14:18 #3279 by Nargis
oh the matter had to be recessed until more evidence can be gathered or some trash like that...  :grin: 

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23 Dec 2013 14:22 #169996 by chairman
Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asks what's wrong.

"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."
Always tell someone how you feel because opportunities are lost in the blink of an eye but regret can last a lifetime.
cricketwindies.com/forum/

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