crack me up

A man goes to Victoria Secret to buy his wife the sheerest lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit.
The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won't know the difference."
So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs.
"So, how do you like it?" she asks. Her husband then complains, Well Damn, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the blasted thing!"

learn chinese in 5 mins:
Learn Chinese in 5 minutes...(You MUST read them out loud)

1) That's not right ....................... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man ........................... Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse ......................... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? ............ Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table ........ Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift ........... Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here ................. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ........... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone ................ No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight ................ Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile .......... Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive ........... Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great .................................. Fa Kin Su Pah

Ah couple to the beach with dey 6 year old son. As he was walking
>
> > >down de beach, he notice some ah de girls have bigger breasts dan
>
> > >he mudda... So he axe she why. "Son", she say, "The bigger dey iz,
>
> > >de more chupid de person iz." So... he gone again to play and come
>
> > >back and tell he mudda that plenty man on de beach have bigger
>
> > >totee dan daddy. Mommy say, "The bigger dey iz, de more chupid de
>
> > >person iz." So... Again the boy gone to play. Shortly after, he
>
> > >come back and say, "Mommy... Daddy talking to the chupidest girl on
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> > >the beach and de more he talk, de chupider he getting."
>

dis Doosra is wicked fuh days!

and he points to other people (like me) and say them wicked!  ::LOL::