SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP
by Rev. Ronald McFadden
If you're not married yet, share this with a friend.
If you are married, share it with your spouse or other
married couples and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, 'Before you get married,
keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one
eye.'
Before you get involved and make a commitment to
someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem,
make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open,
and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or
that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or
her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and
differences will become more obvious.
If you love your mate and want the relationship to
grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye
and not let every little thing bother you.
You and your mate have many different expectations,
emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and
strengths. You are two unique individual children of
God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for
each other? Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or
do you compete, compare, and control? What do you
bring to the relationship? Do you bring past
relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or
her. You can't make someone love you or make someone
stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and
'a life', you won't find yourself making someone else
responsible for your happiness or responsible for your
pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and
selfishness are! not the ingredients of a thriving,
healthy, loving and lasting relationship!
Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the
wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG??
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humour,
sharing household tasks, some getaway time without
business or children and daily exchanges (a meal,
shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note).
Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice
email.
Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is
important. Grow together, not away from each other,
giving each other space to grow without feeling
insecure. Give each other a sense of belonging and
assurances of commitment.
Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's
family situation. Respect his or her parents
regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods.
Remember for richer or for poorer. If these
qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty,
and pain replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where
you put the i.
'We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting
less than our best into the building. Then with a
shock we realize we have to live in the house we have
built.
