Allyuh Hear this Story....

Since mih car down and it too cold to fix it I relax and not doing a dam thing. I get into a silly groove that costs me at these times...especially with the betting

I sit in front mih computer and play, experiment and doh shit ..money run dong. the las' time that happen I focus and and win back some and I gone into the crap again

Sunday I dong to 28 dollars in mih account...and I only betting shit and losing. but I had to get up. so I scopin' out the sixth race at Gulfstream..one of the races I doan have the form for. I got no information on the dam race only whats on the screen before me

and from dat limited amount of info I worked out the 3 shud win the race. I got serious fuh ah minit! but he all the hell into the 25-30 to

and it have another race I have to bet..at Santa Anita in a competition I in. sweet. Undah pressure I do 2 truly brilliant pieces of handicapping

I bet 5 win/place on the 3 at Gulfstream....and 3 win/place on the 2 at Santa Anita..a piece of reasoning that was so Brilliant I myself must admit it. I had to beat a prohibitive fave, the #1...and cut his arse I did indeed do

but I got up on Sunday and never went back to the races...I simply gave up because of mood and lack of focus and loosely experimenting. and I did not want to bruck the account..hoping that Monday night I would be in a better mood for Woodbine Trots

I don't believe it. I go to bet last night and guess what..my account is full of money!!!

I saybut wait. deh musta make ah mistake and I start to dig. both horses won. the 3 at Gulfstream paid 81 dollars for the win place combined..I cud not see how much the individual win paid and I did not go look. immaterial!

I have almost 700.00 dollars in my account from 28. I thought I was going to have to restrict myself to 1 dollars bets at woodbine

and guess what..I was and am still in the same rotten mood..cant get out of it. so I best show bets last nite..won 2 and lost 4 times..cheap bets because I know myself and how I like to fart around. man at times like now that pisses me off but try as I might I have not been able to change myself

when I am right, thinking and feeling straight I can do almost what the hell I want at the race track. they cant fool me at all..yet I can fuck around something awful man, always fucking around, trying this trying that. working out the personalities of riders and drives and what they may do in this or that situation relative to the horse they have...

I do the same with the trainers..with races working out every possible angle and at times settle for and try options that make no sense relative to their possibilities of actually becoming real, manifesting itself

I factor in the weather, the day..the flows of the drivers at the trots..who drives well in the winter..in parts of the winter, summer and fall....whats it like t o be a driver at the trots and what does to the personality(ies)

you see me talking here allyuh doh know it is. I lose trying things that I shud not try. that is one reason I like to get into talk here on the horse because when I have any kind of commitment I do the right thing..handicap properly because I don't want to be wrong in the public

oh man I shud win a million at the track..and I was doing it. I think when my wife passed away I lost all interest. it was like if I bounced my head hard and hear I am just going along just working out life, as if in a dream.

in all these years I have forgotten what women are like. is that even imaginable...for 12 years I have not even come close to a woman, don't to want to, am looking for none..not interested.

I am maddening to myself. I am not really interested in any dam thing. why am I alive then..my children I guess. but they are all grown up now.

but at least I am peaceful. I don't care about all the shit now, not worried. my children are doing very well..need me for nothing. I am cool but I wish I could stop dreaming and drifting everywhere, experimenting with everything, always looking to see how things work. I like miracles dats wat..pulling things out of the hat..like when I find a field of 10, 15, 20 horses and go into it and pick the horses as they come...1, 2, 3, 4 and five.

this year I am going to try to pick the Derby all 15 horses as they come from 1 to 15...straight.

oh guuude! wouldn't dat be something

shit. I got to go. pheeeeeeew! oh man!

typical yu prefer to rum haas

you could ah pay someone to fix the car

Yeah Mapster, OR rent a car let's go new york Belmont on Saturday June 8

I already have tickets : we can depart Friday mawning and stay by Cappo at night or by Chairman !

Walk with de 15 straight and we win "Live" ~

we can take Cappo and Chair to a live horse race at the Belmont ~

and teach 'em to Punt !!

Me You Cappo and Chair : Live at the Finish Line and Winner's circle

I go fix the car..I in the process now. I get ah estimate today..863.00 with tax di'ze ah lot ah money. I have to break it down..get ah hefty discount.

ketchim..I doh want to expose mih business but it is simple to figure out: long trips are a challenge for me at this point. the preps must be comprehensive, costed out and set up. I need certain conditions to stay on top of my situation. they are not bulky and full of semi demi..but they are ritualistic, must be available

I have diabetes man..and of the low Blood sugar variety. that is why I am so inconsistent, why my down moods get as deep as they do. I must have clean 'proper' food to eat at all times. and by proper I mean what I can in fact eat without creating an emergency for myself

that day....Sunday, the day before yesterday, the day I have been talking about....I was eating a salad all day long. I made it the night before:
Lettuce
english cukes sliced
bitter melon sliced
Tomato..only a few slices...sugar.. deh can hit my sugar level negatively-tomatoes.
onions sliced
green onions
Avocados
and a lot of quality sal'fish...de-salted, washed and cut up tiny and tossed in
Olive oil, Balsamic Vinegar etc
hot peppers..a ton of them sliced up small and mixed in. that gives some nice heat to the salad

so I was eating that all day..I made a lot so it wud last but I had to eat every hour and a half as the veggies whipped through my defenses and quailed before my nutritional needs. I was getting more and more hungry as the day wore on.

and dats prolly why I did not sit back dong at my desk and the races..I was out of it already and I did not know.".Hypoglycemia unawareness". the racing was bouncing off my mind.

but by 6:30 I crashed totally. I was in dire straights indeed. the food has no nutrition now..only bulk

I called my daughter and told her I was in trouble...that I was going to the store to get meat..the veggies not working. wishful thinking.

I could not get out the door. I could barely get around my apartment..getting worse like I am losing consciousness. I was going to drink some alcohol I have there desperate for some sugar,...suicide that. but I needed a quick fix, urgent, that I would not have to pay too dearly for physically

then I remembered I had bought some raisins for this very purpose and they were in the fridge. no such luck! I had moved them into a bottle out of the plastic bag they were in..and I had to relax, to give my mind some momentary calm to tell me where the bottle was. it did..I found the raisins and ate 3 mouthfuls.

ten minutes I am not fainting anymore...24 hours later I have a splitting headache and physical weakness as remnant of my crash..and the problem what to eat to stay standing up..to stay alive at all

north American food is garbage..at least that food which is readily available. I search out Organic and total fear that Organic is a skam as well... while I dance between the toes of the devil eating what I shud not...too much meat, and carbs..a little at a time.

I make some tiny fry bakes to eat with sal'fish. I eat fat Chinese rice noodles..one chopped up in many little pieces over a day. and I make dhal/cow heel soup dats massive but dhal is tears for diabetics.....way too sweet for safety. and I mean a little at a time is the way to go with dhal

Moving too far from base without total and adequate prep is tears for me ketchim..dangerous...too inconvenient. I need a hotel room with a kitchen and veggies and meat shops around the corner. Halal butchers help immensely..even more so organic veggie shops.

I have to walk with food in the car to eat. deviations from diet can be costly and can have very nasty consequences

I need olive oil and coconut oil, garlic and onions 'sive' and so on. and my meds are somewhat meds which are not bulky but must be available..and I must have them. that is how I have to live in order to go on man. if I collapse out there no one will know wat to do..and I ent going to no hospital. hospitals don't know anything and are set up to support undertakers

sorry for all dat talk..but I am still on my nose from Sunday.