Virat Kohli played the innings of the new millennium by bludgeoning the hapless Sri Lankan bowlers to earn India a bonus point and keep them in contention for the finals by chasing down the Sri Lankan target of 320 in 36.4 overs.
The Unreal Times managed to catch up with the pugnacious lad and get a few sound bytes.
The Unreal Times: Virat, that was fricking fantastic. How did you approach the chase?
Virat: Ah… just wanted to ensure that we did not leave it to Dhoni. Nahi to…he would have taken it to the last ball of the 40th over and given tension to the boys. In fact, Gauti specifically told me after getting run out, “Yaar, jaldi khatam kar de, picture dekhne chalte hain, Dhonigiri mat karâ€
The Unreal Times: Cool, what was going through your mind when you were flaying the Sri Lankan bowlers?
Virat: Um… oye B**ch**… m***rch**… ch** ke rakh doonge, saale…
The Unreal Times: Ok, ok we get it… any particular bowler you liked going after?
Virat: Yeah, Malinga. He was coming on nicely. Enjoyed ******* him.
The Unreal Times: Thanks, Virat. Have a good one.
Later, Dhoni complimented the Delhi lad and said with time he’ll mature to pace his innings better. “Yeah, he knocked off those runs in no time so of course he won it for us. As he becomes ‘cooler’ with age, he’ll learn to finish it off with a six and a twirl of the bat,†said Captain Cool.
However, Dhoni lambasted his Sri Lankan counterpart for attempting to over dominate, and remarked that this fake ruthlessness doesn’t behoove of a subcontinental team. “Well, who do they think they are? Australia? Setting a huge score like 320 for a team which is struggling to stay afloat! That too after we gave them a tied match to help them open their account on the points table!â€
The Indian team is not out of the woods yet, though. Their berth in the finals is contingent on Sri Lanka losing to hosts, Australia, in the last league match. “Well, of course, I hope the Lankans have the decency to do the right thing and lose and bow out gracefully. I mean, even their countrymen wouldn’t want them to go through to the finals after losing like this,†reasoned the Indian skipper.
BCCI President, N Srinivasan, has allayed fears on that front. “No problems, thambi. We will buy out that entire island if Sri Lanka beats Australia in the next match and then field the men in blue for the finals,†said the BCCI bigwig. Srinivasan also congratulated Kohli for keeping hopes of Indian cricket fans alive. “I was thinking of quitting BCCI and becoming Hockey President but now, no need paa,†he added in a relieved tone.
In related news, Mamta Tiwari, chairperson of the National Commission for Women, India’s apex body to promote and protect the interests of the gentler sex, has taken suo moto cognizance of news reports that some ‘Mahela’ was assaulted by Virat Kohli in a remote Australian ground. “We believe the entire incident of Kohli doing some Mahila and her colleagues has been recorded. We have asked for the footage and will investigate this matter thoroughly,†said Ms. Mamta, who obviously does not follow cricket.
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