at this pointI really like my life. Pheew it has been hard, terrific but I made it to this day by luck, ability and hard wuk......
I saw all dat back then that by the time I was 12, beaten up, traumatized, my dad dead, family fallen apart and me through a big crack I saw though all this bullsh!t. i saw human beings, me too as just animals, crrrrrrap flesh and blood, corrupt, greedy, subjective and totally untrustworthy. I knew I was on my own, that no one at all was on my side..every man fuh himself.
and I mean all human beings. that is what we are. there are no saints, no good people. goodness was/is not a factor...that man born as we are and were can be only what we are, that the real basic human behavior is the thieving, lying corruption, crime, murder, rape etc. that all of that is natural with people man as well as woman and that with religion we put a monster in our way, a conflict between what we call bad and the devil and good which is real mix up, for that makes good and bad the same evil thing..as well as the god into the devil and the devil into god which is the surest sign of manipulation...that what you are told and taught are lies tuh rarse.
with religion we gave ourselves the opportunity to become hypocrites by covering natural human behavior which is the killing and the corruption with a veneer of 'goodness'. we all must survive and to achieve that we have to do the nasty things but we must hide that behavior under religion..morality..ethics. but the only real ethics is what nature demands all along the way. it was kill or be killed at one time, eye fuh eye, to now when it is possible systematically to resolves disputes without man ah mano and other forms of bloodshed
by 12 years old I did not care at all about anything and anyone..about nutten at all..not even myself because I saw humanity through those eyes, conditioned by my experience to them. and now I look back at that kid and I am amazed at myself for seeing so clearly, striking out on my perspective and getting beaten down further in life but could not change from the truth I saw about humanity..about people as I used to say...people then not humanity as now.
finding my self in such a state not of my own making, desperate and on my own.poor with not a chance in the world I asked god why and the phucker did not ansah. I asked him about race and why he made me inferior..why he did not make me white! when I realized I was black as a bwoy I could barely stand it. I am black fuh phucks sake...black!!!!

I could not believe it.
and why did god make me black..no ansah. then I told god what I actually felt about him. Haul yuh mudder c-unt I told god, in all seriousness. I cussed Jesus, Joseph and Mary. the pope and the church. I walked away from the church. challenged god to kill me because I wanted to die.
and when later on, early rooted catholic guilt kicked in, allyuh can imagine the emotional problems I had. I was very religious by the time I was 10 years old. I admit that being alive right now is a miracle for me. that is a real life miracle, not of the god kind
but I say all this to demonstrate some of the cost of all the bull sh!t lies we are taught and live by. that is one set of reason why nhiggers are so crazy in the world.
the damage done to humanity as a whole by humanity itself is enormous, beyond calculation. as I grew up and really became conscious of my wonder at the human species grew exponentially.. what god it its right mind would make us in the world as it is ::confused:: ::confused::
only the natural world makes any sense at all..and we a part of that. there cant be a god from any angle at all. and we only discuss this jackass god proposition because it has been embed in our minds from small. even before we are born the skunt conditioning begins. the idea of god is so stupid that a child brought up without that skuntery, and asked to decide after hearing the story would dismiss it out of hand as Nancy story..Disney crack-pottery
the only chance humanity has of going on into life, into the universe is to stop this faith based phuckery and make of life the opportunity we have in it. we have to discover the laws of nature and live by them as best we can or we will soon eliminate ourselves. that's it..coming to know the process by which existence is possible, functions, works and go on, on and with and by that knowledge. that is the only way we can grow up, mature into being capable and facile beings in nature
there is no kiss mih arse god