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The Berbice Dharam Shala: A place filled with abandoned Parents

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28 Sep 2014 11:45 #215619 by chairman
[www.inewsguyana.com] – What would drive a person to abandon their parents? That’s the question I have been asking myself, after visiting the Dharam Shala in Berbice; a place that cares for many elderly persons, who in many cases have been abandoned and neglected by their children.

Yes, the children that many of them cared and loved unconditionally. Can you or would you ever abandon or neglect your parents? I see how pregnant women suffer to bring forth their children, how they struggle to raise them, to take care of them so as to ensure they have food to eat, clothes to wear and I cannot imagine sending my parents to such a home especially when they need me the most; as the saying goes, ‘once an adult, twice a child.’

It is for this reason that I will be sharing the stories of the many neglected parents who have made the Dharam Shala their home.

Let me introduce you to Shirley Persaud, a mother of four, who has been living at the institute for the past five years.
Shirley Persaud goes through a photo alum of herself and children.

Shirley Persaud goes through a photo alum of herself and children.

This woman brought tears to my eyes during our discussion, as she related years of hurt she continues to feel after her relatives brought her to the Dharam Shala and never looked back.

I asked the 66 – year -old mother what message she would like to send to her children. She said, “Let them come back for me” and broke down in tears as she added, “Me good to them, meh like them.”

The sickly woman said her son took over her home after she worked tirelessly for years to take care of them and build the house.

Persaud lived at No 11 Village, West Coast Berbice before she was taken to te Dharam Shala.

She told me she has nothing more to live for.

“Ow God, meh glad if meh can dead now because meh had a lot of things.” The elderly woman tried to contain her emotions relating how unfair and unkind life has been to her.
Marian Ali

Marian Ali

Meanwhile, I also met 90 – year – old Marian Ali, who still has an excellent memory, despite her age. She lived most of her life in Cotton Tree Village, West Coast Berbice and came to the institution three years ago after she fell ill.

The woman said she lived alone for a number of years, however, when her illness took a turn for the worst, she moved in with her son and his family, however, she noted that her Daughter-in-law was unwilling to take care of her.

According to Ali, her other children are overseas and has since promised to visit her next year. She says they are in constant contact with her.

Meet Sheila Benans, who has been in and out of the institution for the past five years. She lived with her daughter in Stanleytown, New Amsterdam, but Benans wanted to be on her own.

“I feel I must live by myself that’s why I am here, they don’t look at me, I look at myself.”
Sheila Benans

Sheila Benans

She is also taking care of another woman who has been living at the institution for the past 10 months from Crabwood Creek.

I also spoke with 85 – year – old Charandai Harralall, a mother of two. She said she was forced to move into the home after her illness got worse. Both of her children reside overseas.
Charandai Harralall

Charandai Harralall

“Me get pickney, but them gone outside, them nah come, if them get anybody that them know a come them go send lil bit money, me nah go lie”, the Canje Village woman said.

She said she had her own home and gave it to one of her daughters, who promised to take care of it; however, she alleged that her daughter sold the house and took the money.

“Here at Dharam Shala me does get pension and me go try with the little bit, meh a use the pension living here…we a contend and live Betty, where me a go.”

The Dharam Shala is also home to a former news Anchor and Reporter, 39 – year – old Prem Chan, who has a heart condition. He has no children but explained that his family maintains contact with him.
Prem Chand and Lindsay Erskine

Prem Chand and Lindsay Erskine

He will undergo heart surgery in January and is looking forward to a bright future, even though he is fearful.

Another male resident is Meighdyal Sriram, 57, of Railway Street, Kitty. He has no children and said he was practically forced from his parent’s property by relatives who sold it.

“Well life ain’t too bad here, it’s a place where you get three meals and sometimes extras and there is a bed with netting, everything is here, if you really sickly they don’t give you no particular work to do, just keep your surrounding clean and that is it.”
Meighdyal Sriram

Meighdyal Sriram

Meanwhile, Lindsay Erskine has been running the Berbice Branch of the institute for the past four years and said they depend mainly on charity to run the place since Government gives them $140,000 per year. Currently they are caring for 28 persons – 11 females and 17 males.

“This entire place is run by charity and by the mercies of other people who come and feed and cheerful givers, so it totally runs by charity and most of the people like the cook is voluntary, everything is voluntary here no one is being paid, it’s out of your own kind heart and donors, so we always appeal to the general public and not just with food,” he said.

He explained that they have a number of plans that they want to pursue to enhance the institution, which includes painting the building, rehabilitating the fence among other things. However, it is only through the generosity of donors that this could become a reality.

According to Erskine, many of the persons who are brought to the Dharam Shala are depressed and suicidal.

“We deal with many people, many people come here with suicide in their minds, they depressed, they want to die, you have to find words of comfort for them encourage them take them to church.”
The unidentified mentally unstable woman.

The unidentified mentally unstable woman.

He added that because some of the persons are mentally challenged, they are abandoned. Presently, an unidentified mentally challenged woman living there only remembers that she is from Vergenoegen, East Bank Essequibo.

“They dropped her off at the Georgetown Dharam Shala and they were forced to bring her close by to the National Psychiatric Hospital in Fort Canje, that is closer to the Dharam Shala for treatment.”

The privately owned institution has been operating its Berbice Branch for the past 76 years and its main branch in Georgetown has been in existence for some 93 years.

My trip to the institution was not short of tears and it helped me realize how unkind life can be, how unkind human beings could be.
The Dharam Shala

The Dharam Shala

If you can find it in your hearts and mostly importantly your pockets, you can make a contribution to the Dharam Shala. You can make contact with with Mr Erskine on telephone number 693-3728.

The Dharam Shala is located in Fort Canje, underneath the Canje Bridge.

Always tell someone how you feel because opportunities are lost in the blink of an eye but regret can last a lifetime.
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28 Sep 2014 12:17 #215627 by ketchim
There is one in GT as well ...

This is terrible reading : Indo Guyanese have lost their Soul.  >:(

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28 Sep 2014 15:31 - 28 Sep 2014 17:28 #215643 by pattycake
What goes around comes around.


Parents putting themselves first leads to they being abandoned by their children. Everyone want to put themselves first, a pattern that doesn't lead to growth, so people see and treat their children like a burden and they in turn become a burden in their old age. It's only a reflection of what the parents invested from themselves in their children. Basically, nothing. And nothing is what they end up getting back.


It's the law of attraction.


My grandfather for instance was a playboy at heart and wanted to live his life playing, and was a bad father to begin with; so he stepped off to do his thing. And my grandmother was a bad mother too. But she at least stayed and he didn't. He stepped off and never looked back when my mom and aunt were teenagers. My grandmother ran out and found her another man and threw my mom out in the street to make room for him, which was a selfish betrayal my mom never got over cried over her whole life, and karma that both of my grandparents ended up meeting up with in the long run.


My grandfather in his old age and ailing condition came running to my mother crying for help over his much younger wife beating him up everyday. The first time I ever laid eyes on my grandfather was the day he came to our house wailing for help, as if he actually expected my mom to do something about his plight. He forgot that he was a father but remembered that he had two daughters when the tables turned on himself. Huh. Nobody showed up to his funeral beside his wife and young daughter, and his wife and my mom became great friends. Nobody gave a rat's ass about him.


And my grandmother didn't escape her vile selfishness either. She ended up taken in by my aunt, but my aunt treated her like s***, and ended up putting her in a nursing home where a doctor finished her off with an experiment. And the same thing happened with my oldest big half sister who did the same thing to her father. She took him in and treated him like s***. He went out just like my grandfather. An abandoned and miserable old man who couldn't understand it. Nobody showed up at his funeral either.


It's as Indira Ghandi once said: "People tend to forget their duties but remember their rights."


Selfishness is a vicious cycle that no one who participates in escapes from.

So as surely as abandoned children are found all over the globe, abandoned parents are also found all over the globe. That isn't news. It's quite normal and conclusive to the selfish lifestyle most people lead.
Last edit: 28 Sep 2014 17:28 by pattycake.

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29 Sep 2014 00:06 #215659 by SCA

Sad situ really.  But let us not heap on Berbice Indos. This happens across every race and nationality.
This bears all the manifestations of a lack of nurturing.

Regardless of who/what our parents are we owe them our lives., for without them where would we be? That said I CANNOT understand how children can abandon parents, especially when they are old and feeble? How do we view ourselves after that? How can we look at the world, knowing that we have abandoned our very souls?

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29 Sep 2014 03:59 #215665 by pattycake

As you said, lack of nurturing. That's how.

Unlearned lessons in life plague us until we stop overlooking it and learn it. Parents are more indebted to their children than children are indebted to their parents, and that's a cosmic fact. You don't just bring a life into the world and then overlook the nurturing that life needs to thrive. If you do, then so be it. We'll live our whole life wondering what love is and be abandoned by our children.

Don't lay the blame on children. Those abandoned parents are not innocent.

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29 Sep 2014 11:03 #215698 by ketchim
My father is 93 and my mother is 88 : AND I love them both will all of my being.

My children regard them as Icons and goes to Dialysis treatment with their Pappa !

Their great grands , oldest as a 7 year old loves to ride around on his Wheelchair.

My mom's roti and curry chicken , baked mac and cheese is a favorite of all out Generations..


pattycake, I am saddened and hurt by what you wrote  :'(

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29 Sep 2014 11:11 #215700 by Googley

You are a good son, Ketch!  I am sure Allah will show his  blessing on  you for being such a good son.  You are also a good example for your kids.  That is why they have followed in your footsteps in taking care of their grandparents.  Kudos my friend.

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29 Sep 2014 11:18 #215702 by ketchim
Googs , but I was the most neglected growing up :

my Mom overdid herself with 8 children , me being the last !

I practically took care of myself as an Infant as there were Twins: a year before me.

that demanded all her attention as the other 5 before them.....


It proves that Nurturing as pattycake theorises is just NOT true !

I am an example of lack and absence of nurturing ....


AND I cannot find it in my being to NOT love my Mom : even though I mess with her for

making too many Pickney  :-[


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29 Sep 2014 11:22 #215703 by The Captain
unbelievable fullah lady mek so much pickney


dat ole man musse really wuk she

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29 Sep 2014 11:23 #215704 by SCA
Irrespective of how Ketchie and I go at it on this mb…and we do it out of mutual understanding that we will agree to disagree, I have a lot of respect for his relationship with his parents. Withstanding the fact that he free-loads off his mom’s cooking, I admire the fact that he is a caring and affectionate son, and a doting father. However I can’t say that much about his other relationships….because according to Ketchie he is the walking, breathing version of a human dildo…sex anytime, every time, all the time…and even when he is not having sex, he has a mental erection, fueled by an insatiable appetite for food and sex in no particular order. I hope the fire of desire keeps on burning.

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